But if not… I recently read a book called Fight Back with Joy. And in the book, the author describes times in your life when you are asking, praying or even begging God to work a certain way in your life and yet God chooses not to work that way. For example I pray that Emma's heart will heal, and no longer be in heart failure, but if not… how will I respond to that answer? This statement, and the answer to it has been weighing on my heart lately so I thought I would just take a few moments and write from my heart.
Scott and I close all of our blog posts with the phrase: God is good. All the time. God is good. We truly believe that this statement (I mean our faithful God) has aided us in many valleys over the past six years. There have been countless moments that I have felt angry, lonely, depressed, sad, and unsure. Without the knowledge of Who our God is and how He walks beside us everyday, I have no idea how we would get thru this journey. Our journey has been filled with countless "but if nots" It would be easy to feel forgotten or neglected; however, we seen those "but if nots" turned into beautiful blessings (maybe not right away...but in time). “But I will hope continually and will praise you yet more and more.” Psalm 71:14
I was driving home from a meeting the other day and a song came on the radio that described so many emotions I have felt over the last six years. In the words of the song, by Hillary Scott, there is a reminder of Who is in control and Who is walking beside us:"Sometimes I got to stop and remember you are God and I am not, so thy will be done." There have been many instances over the last six years in which I have questioned God's plan. Why should Emma have to suffer so much? Why can't she get to experience more normalcy? Why must she endure heart failure with no options? Why must she have so many medical/ developmental difficulties? He tells us in Romans 12:12 to: “Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.” I am to fully trust in his plan...let go of my worry...and rest in the truth that He is in control. This is easier said than done unfortunately. This last month has been filled with many unexpected set backs and disappointments. I have been living in a fairly constant state of exhaustion which allows for doubt and worry to creep in and consume my mind. Don't get me wrong, I have so much to be thankful for; however, I'm human and disappointment is a very real thing. We are working on hospital stay 2 in less than a month. Once, for a nasty respiratory virus and currently for abdominal edema and low diuretic response. The first hospital stay directly impacted Emma's birthday party and this stay successfully cancelled a much needed family vacation.
Let's go back to that "but if not.." statement. I pray that we can soon figure out these latest medical issues of Emma's and go home...but if not, I will continue to trust in God's plan and work to see the good he weaving into our journey. "4 Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. 5 Let your reasonableness[a] be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; 6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."Philippians 4:4-7 Thank you to each and everyone of you who have encouraged us in this journey and prayed for us during the "but if nots". God is Good! All the Time! God is Good!